Friday, September 29, 2006

Lord, Help Me Choose the Wise Course

Another frightening look inside my head.

"So tear me open
but beware
there's things inside
without a care"
Metallica - Until It Sleeps

Recently, Madonna started her European Tour with the crucifixion scene that she did in the States. I thought this was much ado about nothing; well, nothing but how pathetic Madonna has become. Just when you think it's safe to turn the radio on, she releases a new CD.

I wrote the following post when the Europeans started reporting about her antics on stage. But when I came back to it a couple of days later, I was horrified. I was uncharacteristically vicious, and never posted it. Yet for some strange reason, I never deleted it either.

It finally hit me that I need to post it, if for no other reason than to show you a little bit of just how flawed this man can be. Not that you haven't picked up on that already.

Here it is with no changes.

Hey Madonna

I know that you're so full of yourself, and that, after twenty years of success, you've come to actually believe yourself worthy of worship. (I guess)

And over the years you've gotten used to being able to stir up controversy, and it seems that you like the negative attention that your antics causes.

But I gotta tell ya, this whole disco-mirror cross thing with the crown and such, is just really lame. And I'm being awfully kind here.

See, you are obviously too dumb, or maybe just so wrapped up in your Madonna-ness, that you don't understand that, in trying to create yet another ruckus to pick up more publicity and concert ticket sales, you are just making a fool of yourself. People don't get too worked up about your sad attempts to get back in the spotlight any more.

I have to admit, that you've had a pretty good run, but although the critics still like you, even that has become a problem.

'Cause let me let you in on a not-so-secret secret.

People just roll their eyes at your actions now, because you've become boring and predictable. See, the cross thing is no real surprise, just the disco mirror aspect of it is. And that's not worth getting worked up about.

Christians still recognize your blasphemy, but we all got over the shock of you years ago, and now we all just look away and know in our hearts you'll have to stand before God Himself about all of your shenanigans one day. We all will, and we worry about that day for ourselves, and wince when we imagine taking the judgement for your actions.

But I have some advice for you. Iffen you REALLY want to stir up some controversy, try this. During your stage show, have a guy come out dressed as Mohamed, and give him a big ol' Britney Spears-like tongue kiss. Do that at least a coupla times per show. The press will be ALL OVER that and, we all might, just might, start to think you really know how to push peoples buttons.

Because right now, you're taking the easy route, the safe route with the cross thing. It's still open season on cutting down Christians, we know it, you know it, we deal with it, and you still try to be cutting edge by blasphemy.

But hey, these are just my ideas. You can keep on like you are, and we'll keep changing the channel, and not buying your CDs.

And like always, when you do an interview and talk about your views on the world, and how you hate President Bush, we'll just ignore your babbling, 'cause, you're just Madonna, right? Who the heck cares what an over the hill pop singer says about politics and the state of the world anyway.

But I mean it about the whole French kissing Mohamed on stage thing, that'll put you on the map again. A billion or so Muslims will want to shower you with 'fatwas', whatever that is. But trust me, it's probably good. Imagine it Madonna, a billion fatwas, just for you from your fans.

You're no longer such a force in the entertainment world, and my suggestion is guaranteed to put you back on top.

You know, Einstein said that nothing can go faster than the speed of light, but I really think that my hand reaching to switch radio stations when one of your songs comes on just might actually break that rule.

And lastly, drop the fake British accent. It ain't workin' for you; you can't pull it off. But then, you always stunk as an actress.

Come on, show us how courageous you really are. Add Mohamed to your stage show and plant a couple of big wet kisses on him for the audience.


See why I'm glad I didn't post this without thinking, without explaining?

I still think the overall sentiment about her obvious attempts to shock are right on. It costs absolutely nothing to make light of Christianity. Even the most politically correct folks like poking sticks in the eyes of Christians (so to speak) and don't think twice about whether or not they're breaking their own rules of propriety.

This almost-post just isn't who I am most of the time. I'm rarely flat-out mean like this.

When I was a kid, I looked forward to growing up; I mistakenly believed that I would quit screwing up.

Yeah right.


omninaïf said...

Hey JAM buddy,

No offense Madonna, doesn't do anything for me. She reminds me of the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz on a bad makeup day. Heres the but part; But you have to admit; she still has you hooked on her.

Stop writing about her, stop thinking about her. And then maybe your nightmares will go away.

Good crack about the Einstein theory though.


JAM said...

The whole reason for this post, was to talk about my mental processes, and how I screw up just as much as the next guy. My views on Madonna would have never seen the light of day except to highlight MY flaws. I'm a don't-let-the-sun-go-down-on-your-wrath kind of guy. I cannot stay mad long, but I wanted to illustrate that I get mean sometimes, and I DO NOT like that aspect of myself.

I didn't intend this post to be about Madonna so much, except as a catalyst to illustrate my own attempts to grow up.