Monday, June 26, 2006
A Day Of Mourning
Me going into work.
I swipe my badge and go through the turnstile. (slowly. head hanging)
I go up to the building and to the door closest to my office (yeah sure, office. cubicle actually) and swipe my badge again and enter my code to get into the building.
I walk in and see some of my coworkers.
Coworker #1: Hey Jo... WHAT! Are you wearing?
Me: This old thing? Why this, my ignorant friend, is sackcloth and ashes.
Coworker #2: Sackcloth and ashes? Looks like a dirty burlap bag to me.
Coworker #3: Why the funky clothes? You better hope security doesn't see you running around the building dressed like that!
Me: Well, I'm in mourning. Trying to show a little family solidarity. There has been a tragedy in my family, and I'm showing my support by joining in on the mourning. I don't do mourning half way. I go whole hog. I even paid for some professional mourners but since they can't get a security clearance, they had to stay in the parking lot.
Coworker #3: I thought I heard some screamin' and cryin' out there, but aw man, I'm sorry for your loss. Who died?
Coworker #1: Yeah dude, it must be something serious for you to go into the whole Old Testament routine like that.
Me: Very astute of you Coworker #1, to recognize the origins of this outfit. But no one has died.
Coworker #2: So what gives?
Me: It's simple, guys. My Big Sis is totally in love with country singer Keith Urban.
Clock: tick, tock, tick, tock
Coworker #2: Oh! Oh! I see now! Keith Urban is that guy that married Tom Cruise's ex-wife, what's her name?, oh yeah, Nicole Kidman, this weekend. She's a babe.
Me: Right you are Coworker #2. Big Sis is totally bonkers for Keith Urban, despite her having been married to long-suffering C.T.H. for lo, these many years. (I hang my head and shake it in sympathy for C.T.H. I need a tissue.)
Coworker #1: So you are making a total fool of yourself at work. You're risking your job at worst, and risking getting sent home with an entry into your permanent record at best? All because your Big Sis is despondent over some country singer getting married?
Me: No way silly. You think I'm THAT crazy?! (Know-it-all smile on my face) This isn't really happening. This is all in my head to try to come up with a witty and clever blog post that will poke fun at Big Sis's infatuation with the guy.
Coworker #2: Oh. Ok. Well then, if this isn't really happening, I'm outa here. If I'm just in someone else's mind, then I don't have to be here. Moron. I even shaved today. Gyah! (Door slams)
Coworker #1, Coworker #3: We're gone too. Later dude.
Me: Yeah right. Like someone with as hard core an infatuation as Big Sis has for Keith Urban could be derailed by some arbitrary fact like his being married to one of the most beautiful movie actresses in the world. HA! What a bunch of kidders I work with! Boy howdy! Engineers sure is silly folks!
Me: I mean, check it, mm-K? She and her fellow Keith Urban fans even have a name for themselves: the Chevy subURBANS, or the URBANettes, or some other such sillyness. AND one time at a concert in Waco, Texas (of all places) Big Sis was actually called down front BY KEITH URBAN. DURING THE CONCERT. HE LAYED DOWN ON THE STAGE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING. HE LET HER RUB HIS SCRUFFY BEARD.
Me: Do you really think that after such a, such an... ENCOUNTER, that she, or any of the other subURBANS, or whatever they call themselves this week, would lessen their fervor for him just because he got married?
Nah! Not a chance.
But this IS probably the darkest time in her life since Donny Osmond got married. ;)