Saturday, July 15, 2006

Proof That I'm A Classy Guy

Want to see inside my head?

My thought process yesterday morning:
Hmm. Back still hurts quite a bit. I don't feel like cooking breakfast. In fact I don't feel like getting out all the stuff and preparing myself a lunch for work either.

I get paid today, so the cupboard is almost bare, in fact completely devoid of low carb stuff. Nothing I can just grab and go.

But it IS payday, so I can maybe buy myself lunch today. Nah. I know that once I'm at work, I won't feel up to leaving to get anything, regardless of how hungry I am.

I could get something at Hess. I could go ahead and get gas for the car and get something while I'm there. Nah. All they have are honey buns and doughnuts and candy bars, definitely not low carb. If I get off my diet again, it is just too hard to get back on. Plus, I hate how bad I feel physically when I eat a lot of carbohydrates.

How about Wally World? I could get a few low carb bars and a couple of diet Cokes, and some peanuts to get me through the day. That would be really easy because there's a Walmart right on Sarno Road, right on the way to work. Yeah! That will be convenient, easy, and makes sense.

No! That's an older Walmart. And though it's well kept, their selection of low carb stuff is pretty meager.

What about the new Walmart that's a stone's throw from the house on Malabar Road? Yeah, it's not as convenient as the one close to work, and the one up on Palm Bay Road has a good selection but it's a bit out of the way too.

So, I'll just go to the one closest to the house and get what I need and be done with it.

And that's what I did. Bought me some low carb bars, a coupla Coke Zero's and some dry roasted peanuts.

The sad part is, I can do this with almost any item you could possibly name. I know which of the four Walmarts in our area sells what. Which ones don't. Which has a better selection of this or that, and so on and so forth. I can tell you where these items are in each store, so I'll know which of the two main doors I should enter in.

When I feel like hob-nobbing with the upper crust, I might go all the way north on I-95 to Viera (12 miles or so), to the Walmart up there by the rich folks.

How many of you live in such a great place, that you have FOUR Walmarts within striking distance? Uh huh. That's what I thought. We have Walmarts down here like New York has Starbucks.

I am a walking repository of info on all the local Walmarts. And THAT is what proves I'm a classy guy, though I DO need to practice my Thurston Howell the III accent more.

Of course, Lovely Wife has forgotten more about the local Walmarts than I will ever know, so that makes her a classy gal too!

1 comment:

Animal Shelter Worker said...

Where I'm from (lil' town in TX) we have one HUGE walmart in all of the county and man, you see it all! From the rich to the poor, it's a collection of the best characters the state has to offer.