Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Johnny Depp And The Spice Girls

(This blog post is brought to you today without any photographic interruptions.)

I'm a sucker for the underdog and I have a deep dislike of music and movie critics. Quite often I choose to like something that normally I wouldn't like, simply because the critics hate that thing. Conversely, I can dislike something because the critics like it/them too much. Except for U2. I have always loved U2 even though the critics love them too.

Get back on track there, son.

Way, way back in the late 90's, Number One and Number Two Daughters liked the Spice Girls. Normally I would have detested them (the Spice Girls, not my daughters), but, the critics came out in force and were just as much a part of that scene as the Girls themselves.

Sometimes someone, or a group in the Spice Girls's case, comes along and the critics rise up en mass to try to squash that person or group's success. The critics decide for some reason to try everything in their power to stop them.

But that's the problem with critics, they don't have much power. Movie critics have a little bit I guess, but music critics have even less power than movie critics.

To prove my point, quick!, name 3 movie critics. No problem, even I can do that.

Now, quick!, name me 3 music critics.

(Cricket. Cricket. Cricket.)

See what I'm talkin' about? I couldn't think of one either.

When I was younger, I thought Elvis impersonators were the lowest form of life on the planet. But I've changed that opinion. At least they are getting out there, letting it all hang out (especially the 'old Elvis' impersonators) and trying honestly to entertain or humor people.

Music critics and movie critics are now what I think of as the lowest life forms.

And when they really, really hate someone, I take notice. So I started liking the Spice Girls. And in fact, the Spice Girls's version of the Christmas song 'Sleigh Ride' is my favorite version of that song. Whodathunkit?

Now to Johnny Depp. I think he's a fantastic actor. I don't know if I would get along with him very well on a personal level, knowing some of his remarks about America, but I think he's a great actor. And I have a basic suspicion of someone who would willingly move to France, but hey, his wife's from there. (I feel the same way about Susan Sarandon, we would probably be having a chick fight, all slapping, squealing, and fingernails within three minutes of meeting because of our vehemently different political views, but I think she is absolutely one of the best actresses in the business today.)

But ol' Johnny Depp has done the unthinkable and made a sequel, which critics naturally hate, AND this sequel has just set a new box office record. Take that Spidey!

So already I see the bared fangs of the critics. The American public disregarded their dislike of the new Pirates movie and went to see it in droves. How dare they! Didn't they read our reviews?

Either way, the critics are miffed because either 1.) we didn't read their review which is bad, or 2.) we ignored said review to the point of setting a new box office record which is unforgivable.

Expect more venom from these useless parasites of humanity in the next few weeks. They'll tear at Johnny Depp and Pirates lest it top Titanic in world wide box office.

But although I haven't seen Pirates yet, I hope it continues to do well.

I like seeing critics eat crow.

Addendum, Thursday July 13:
I just found out that, in fact, Johnny Depp is not married. He's just been shackin' up wit Baby Mama for 8 years or so.


Emily said...

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean last night and LOVED it...it was so much fun! I did like the first one better, and the ending of this one actually sucked (it did...big cliff hanger for the third- bah), but other than the ending, it was so much fun and I was laughing all the way through.

I have a couple friends who are like, movie snobs and they are like, all looking down on me because I like lame swashbuckling adventure hero movies instead of like, meaty dramatic controversial stuff. I say bah. They need to chill ouuuut.

I agree too about U2...I can't believe how much I like them considering there are so many things about Bono and stuff that just drive me up the wall - but they are my favorite band. I don't understand it...lol.

Marsha (Big Sis) said...

Oh my, I've found something else we have in common that I didn't know about! I too think that Elvis impersonators are the worst. YUK! They are right at the top of my all time top 10 "Things I Hate" list!

On the subject of movie critics & music critics, I don't need someone else to tell me that I don't like something! I think I can make that decision on my own. Also, as a general rule, if the critics hate it, you will love it!