Idea shamelessly stolen from Our Seven Qtpies. Go to Google, type in "your first name needs" and report the results.
The meme is supposed to be the first 10 results, but I'm making it a Thursday Thirteen by taking the first 13 results.
1. Strange News: 'John' Needs Operation After Hooker Bites Penis For Non-Payment. It wasn't me. I swear.
2. John needs your bone marrow. I hate vampires. Blood is never enough for those suckers.
3. John nees to get his patootie back here. From a forum post. I hate the word "patootie." It's forever linked with Rosie O'Donnell, and therefore stained.
4. My Life's Work: John needs… Another blog doing this very meme. Go figure.
5. John Needs Help: AnimeNation Anime Forums A guy named John who has a Ask John thingy on an anime forum, is himself asking for help. Even egg heads need help now and then.
6. Vimeo / John Needs More Paper. A video of a guy trying to use newspaper and duct tape to cover his patio table. Oooo-kay.
7. Sex, Lies, and Scandals, The Private Life Of John C. Wu: Some guys old blog. No recent entries.
8. See Me As Your Brother…John Needs Your Help Please: Kind of like the Nigerian Lottery Email Scam, only different. A dying man wants you to help him distribute his fortune.
9. Flickr: Photos from John Needs New Ideas. A guy's Flickr photo site. I'm not a big fan of Flickr, the pics are too small.
10. OH-16: John Boccieri Called To Service Again / Buckey State Blog: Best I can tell, an Ohio state senator being put forward to run for US Senate. Snore.
11. 'John' Needs Operation After Hoooker Bites Penis For Non-Payment: Same story as #1, on a different site. It still wasn't me. I swear.
12. Late For The Sky, John Needs, John Wants, John Gets: A guy named John's blog post about this very meme.
13. Berwick Today News - John needs help to find late mother's ring: Cool story. A guy in England buries his mother's ring in the place where she used to love to sit and enjoy a view. Apparently someone with a metal detector found it an dug it up, he went to the place and there were holes dug all around, and the ring was gone. He appeals to have it returned. Yeah, that'll happen.