Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Dog's Diary; Cat's Diary

A friend sent this to me in an email, and since I had nothing of my own for you today, I thought I would pass this along. I have seen it before on folk's blogs, and loved it. We have several dogs and one cat, and this is darn close to the truth...

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM -Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.

I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant.

I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,

So he is safe. For now...

5 comments:

Sindi1968 said...

Oh how great. I am a cat person, my oldest cat, Nickolas, will be 16 this August. I truly think this is exactly what they think. How funny. I Laughed out loud. Thanks

Babystepper said...

Hilarious stuff, JAM! I hadn't seen this one, actually, and will have to pass it on to my mom, who has the "allergies" of which this cat seeks to know more.

photowannabe said...

That's a riot John. I think it is right on...

Anonymous said...

...please where can I buy a unicorn?

Anonymous said...

...please where can I buy a unicorn?