Friday, February 23, 2007

Lay Off Britney Everybody!

OK folks.

Enough is enough.

Lay off Britney Spears, OK?

I am a low key guy. I try to stay calm in all situations, but sometimes the result is that everyone wants to be cool like me.

I don't say that to brag; it's just a fact I'm throwing out there.

Observe...

Me when I was a little kid. I had no choice in the matter, but I definitely rocked the bald head look. Right? (Also, can you dig them racing stripes on my walker?)

I have to tell y'all that I have one whopping head of hair. Yes, both. Both a whopping head, and a whopping lot of hair.

And then, a couple of years ago I had another two back surgeries.

Now with a cranium of such massive proportions, there's just GOT to be a couple of brain cells in there that work, and I figgurd that I would just save myself the trouble of trying to keep the 14.68 trillion hairs on said massive cranium clean and combed when I knew I wouldn't be moving very well for a while.

I went to the barber I use and had him cut it all off. I told him to pretend he was a barber at Paris Island and to cut accordingly.

This is me a couple of years ago, about a month after my fourth back surgery. It is the only picture of me after the haircut that I could find. I was in the back of the group and cut myself out and tried to make the photo a little more viewable. My hair's already growing out in this picture, but it's the only photo I have.

So I walked out of the barber shop, rubbing my almost shaved dome, a la Britney Spears.

When the barber had finished and I looked at myself the mirror, that picture of me in my walker as a baby up top there, popped into my mind.

I thought, "my head still looks just like it did when I was a little feller and hadn't grown any hair yet!"

I'm not exactly sure why, but I thought the shape of my head would have changed somehow, and I was truly surprised that it was still as round as a basketball.

So, all y'all need to lay off of Britney about her hair.

It's obvious that she must have seen a picture of me as a baby on my blog.

Now that the truth is on here, everyone is gonna want to do it.

You just watch and see.

Since the photo of me from 2004 was so disappointing, I used the wonders of modern computer enhancement to artificially age the baby version of myself in the walker from the top, so that y'all can get a more accurate view of what I looked like a couple of years ago after I left the barber shop from getting my buzz cut.

Of course, I had to add my glasses that I wear most of the time, and also my John Bolton autographed model bushy mustache (Our esteemed United Nations representative).

See what I mean? Britney just wants to be like ol' JAM!

5 comments:

Babystepper said...

Well, of course she did! Who wouldn't want to look like that handsome bespectacled young lad in racing stripes. I may just have to go find my clippers!

Jingoistic said...

It's nothing to do with the hair. As the media say: it's a cry for help. Therefore we must all help her!

Emily said...

Lol! Awesome post!

I know, the first thing I thought when I heard that Britney shaved her head was, "Oh my gosh, I feel so sad for her!!" and I really didn't want to laugh at her or say how stupid she was, I wanted to hug her and ask her if everything was okay.

=/

Marsha (Big Sis) said...

Since Brittany shaved her head, you can really see she's not a natural blonde!

Travis said...

That's hilarious!!