Friday, February 22, 2008

Why The Subprime Mortgage Mess Is Good For America, or...

...my first post as a political liberal.

Many thousands of homes are being foreclosed on right now in America.

I am SO excited about this!

Now we have lots of quality housing for the tens of thousands of homeless people in America.

Up until now, the homeless were in danger almost all of the time, because the only places they had to sleep were under bridges, and we all know how unsafe America's bridges are, any one or even all bridges could collapse at any time thus squashing to death the poor homeless folks living under there. The only other place for homeless people to sleep in were abandoned buildings, and we all know that those places are filled with dope fiends cooking up meth and also filled with those societal deviants who prey on the homeless like the dastardly villians they are.

What's a homeless guy (or gal) to do?

Enter the U.S. Guv'ment.

A few years ago, despite being right smack dab in the middle of a Republican's Presidential term, they (the guv'ment) use their formidable influence and practically force all the mortgage lenders in America to sign up people with bad credit ratings. It turns out that these evil mortgage companies were being racists, and bigots, and weren't loaning money for homes to high risk potential home buyers! Can you imagine just how black the hearts of the evil moneylenders are?

Well, when the Guv'ment, astonishing as it was to see under the leadership of an evil Republican President, made the racist, bigoted mortgage companies start handing out loans willy-nilly in a manner more befitting the memory of the Greatest Socialist President Franklin Roosevelt, then a great social injustice was finally made right again.

Now, even though these risky Americans that the mortgage lenders reluctantly loaned money to have indeed proved to be unworthy of such loans by not making payments and forcing the forclosures of these many thousands of homes, there is still a great benefit to the lowest, most downtrodden in this once great country.

What is this boon, you might ask?

It is this. Many thousands of these foreclosed on homes make great places for the homeless to break into and live in in great style.

Check out these benefits:
*Almost no rats to have to fight with over your meager dumpster dinner.
*A quick homeless person can get into these empty homes way before your average meth-amphetimine lab owner has time to get in there and set up shop.
*And even if a meth boss kicks you out of your new home to set up his shop, there are still many more nice homes to choose from!

The end result is a great uptick in the style of living of your average homeless person victim.

Although it pains me to say this, I must thank Republican President Bush for improving the lives of the homeless all across America.

Heck, many of these homes still have electricity and running water, so the average homeless person is in tall cotton right now.

So don't let those louts on TV make you think that this whole subprime mortgage mess is a mess, it's actually a great thing for America's forgotten ones, the homeless.


Afterword: I'm just trying my hand at some satire here folks. It's not something I'm very good at, but love to read good satire.

With all the political shenanigans going on in this Presidential election year, I figgered I would try it.

I'm not intentionally trying to insult people who are politically liberal. I have friends who are liberal and I love them and a couple of guys I work with, we have a great time blaming everything from stopped up toilets at work on liberals or conservatives, depending on our own viewpoints.

I'm a conservative. If you're a liberal, and you mostly vote Democrat because that's the folks you tend to agree with most, then good on ya, mate.

Just trying to have some fun here.

No need to get your panties in a bunch.

4 comments:

Olga said...

Good one bro! Now why ain't you on the teevee?

Babystepper said...

Financial plan for young couples:

Do not buy while market is crazy-high. Save, save, save, save until all the lousy mortgages fall through, then snatch up your choice of houses.

Heh, heh, heh.

Big Doofus said...

I'm not wearing panties.

Wait a minute...that didn't sound right. I'm a guy. I wear briefs.

But anyway... Interesting post. I've seen a LOT of foreclosed houses and most of them are in what you'd call middle class. It seems like the REAL problem is that these folks are ok with the home. They just go nuts with the cars, furniture, etc.

Sharon Lynne said...

We've had thousands of foreclosures here in California.

I'm hoping a lesson will be learned here.

Good post.