Thursday, February 07, 2008

Godzirra Attacks Woman! (film at 11)


We have a cat that is pretty brutal on the local lizard population.

I've often said that lizards must be pretty dumb, or word would have gotten out among them to avoid our house/yard at all costs.

I can't remember the last time I saw a live lizard with a complete tail; if they survive an encounter with Sassy, at the very least they lost their tail.

The other day there was one was in our master bathroom.

I'm in the kitchen making some yummy tuna salad and Lovely Wife, being the intrepid type, comes walking in there from our room with both hands clasped together having caught the poor tail-less lizard in our own catch-and-release program.

She goes out the front door to release him to the wilds of Florida, and just as the front door closes behind her, I hear a strange noise, and then Lovely Wife yells,

"Ow!...Stupid lizard! I was trying to help you!"

She comes stomping back into the house (Lovely Wife, not the lizard), and I asked her what happened, thinking she'd fallen or something.

"That dumb lizard BIT ME!"

She held her hand up to me and in the palm of her hand were two little, tiny parallel lines of skin much redder than the surrounding skin, barely separated from one another, and I could just picture the lizard getting a little bit of skin there and chomping hard.

She wanted me to take a picture and to blog it, but the red marks disappeared too soon. Plus I don't have a macro lens anyway, so it would have been hard to photograph the little bite mark.

Of course, you all know what it's like to have a blog, someone in your family has a sniffle and of course they think it's GREAT bog material.

Lovely Wife had said, "You need to blog that," at which point Number Two Daughter pipes up and says "Godzilla attacks woman!" as a title suggestion.

And I'm thinkin' to myself, "Hey man, I'm the one with the blog. I'm the one with the pressure to create masterpieces of prose almost on a daily basis, and y'all are always telling me, 'Blog this,' or 'Blog that' all the time."

Seriously, do they think I would waste my obviously massive amount of writing talent on a story as lame as a lizard bite?

This had happened this past weekend, and then yesterday, she has the nerve to ask me, "Did you blog about my lizard bite yet?"

I was amazed that she actually still thought that silly story was worth a whole blog post. And not only that, but she obviously expected me to write about it.

Not to mention that this also tells me know that she hasn't read my blog since the weekend. I'm hurt; I have my pride, you know? She hasn't read my blog in three or four days and she hasn't died of mental malnutrition?

Bah-humbug.

Number Two Daughter probably expects me to use her silly "Godzilla Attacks Woman" title too.

Jeesh. Us famous bloggers sure do have lots of hangers-on to deal with.

How do we keep doing it, even under all this pressure by amateurs and other, lesser human beings who don't have their own blogs?

8 comments:

Qtpies7 said...

I, too, am plagued by the little people to blog their every insignificate move. "I bet you are going to blog that!" "Oh, I bet you are going to blog about me, huh?"
What ever, people! I have a life, and I am kind of a big deal, OK? Yeah.

I hear ya, man.

Hammer said...

Well at least they are taking an interest. Eventually you will have to write a blog entry about the lizard bite.

Luckily my spouse doesn't take an active interest in my blog or play with lizards ;)

photowannabe said...

Oh the pressure of blogdom...terrific story..so tongue in cheek...stupid lizard is probably thumbing his virtual nose at Sassy too.

Babystepper said...

I see she won.

Olga said...

I hear all the time," You better NOT put that on your blog, Muuuuuther!!!!An NEVER use my picture!" * sigh* Sometimes they treat me like I work for the Enquirer. Hmmm, come to think of it, your post might qualify....

Big Doofus said...

We get the same thing here. "Dad, are you going to put that in your blog?" or "Mom, don't blog about that!" It's kind of funny how these things have taken over our lives. Now if we could just get the blogs to cook dinner and put the kids to bed.

Marianne said...

I am amazed your family even takes an interest in your blog! Shark only reads it occassionally when he thinks I may have put something embarassing in there about him. (Like today's post in his boxer shorts & socks)

And the kid? I don't even think she knows I have a blog.

We have two lizards that live in the front and back yard. They come inside through the dog door when it gets really cold out. I named them Siskel & Ebert.

I'm not the worlds best housekeeper, so I let the lizards stay. I hear they eat bugs. I never see any bugs in my house. So either I'm a decent housekeeper afterall, or Siskel & Ebert are earning their keep.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I am totally dying at the lizard bite. I didn't know they had teeth?? And if they did, how could they really do that much damage?

As for those who think their experiences are blog-worthy... You should let them know there is a whole wide blogosphere out there with their name on it. Blogger is free. ;-)