Thursday, February 07, 2008
Godzirra Attacks Woman! (film at 11)
We have a cat that is pretty brutal on the local lizard population.
I've often said that lizards must be pretty dumb, or word would have gotten out among them to avoid our house/yard at all costs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a live lizard with a complete tail; if they survive an encounter with Sassy, at the very least they lost their tail.
The other day there was one was in our master bathroom.
I'm in the kitchen making some yummy tuna salad and Lovely Wife, being the intrepid type, comes walking in there from our room with both hands clasped together having caught the poor tail-less lizard in our own catch-and-release program.
She goes out the front door to release him to the wilds of Florida, and just as the front door closes behind her, I hear a strange noise, and then Lovely Wife yells,
"Ow!...Stupid lizard! I was trying to help you!"
She comes stomping back into the house (Lovely Wife, not the lizard), and I asked her what happened, thinking she'd fallen or something.
"That dumb lizard BIT ME!"
She held her hand up to me and in the palm of her hand were two little, tiny parallel lines of skin much redder than the surrounding skin, barely separated from one another, and I could just picture the lizard getting a little bit of skin there and chomping hard.
She wanted me to take a picture and to blog it, but the red marks disappeared too soon. Plus I don't have a macro lens anyway, so it would have been hard to photograph the little bite mark.
Of course, you all know what it's like to have a blog, someone in your family has a sniffle and of course they think it's GREAT bog material.
Lovely Wife had said, "You need to blog that," at which point Number Two Daughter pipes up and says "Godzilla attacks woman!" as a title suggestion.
And I'm thinkin' to myself, "Hey man, I'm the one with the blog. I'm the one with the pressure to create masterpieces of prose almost on a daily basis, and y'all are always telling me, 'Blog this,' or 'Blog that' all the time."
Seriously, do they think I would waste my obviously massive amount of writing talent on a story as lame as a lizard bite?
This had happened this past weekend, and then yesterday, she has the nerve to ask me, "Did you blog about my lizard bite yet?"
I was amazed that she actually still thought that silly story was worth a whole blog post. And not only that, but she obviously expected me to write about it.
Not to mention that this also tells me know that she hasn't read my blog since the weekend. I'm hurt; I have my pride, you know? She hasn't read my blog in three or four days and she hasn't died of mental malnutrition?
Number Two Daughter probably expects me to use her silly "Godzilla Attacks Woman" title too.
Jeesh. Us famous bloggers sure do have lots of hangers-on to deal with.
How do we keep doing it, even under all this pressure by amateurs and other, lesser human beings who don't have their own blogs?