Tuesday, April 08, 2008

OK, ACLU, You Can Start Prying Now, or, Charlton Heston Has Died

What can one really say about a man as great as Charlton Heston? The man has done almost everything.

Heck, he's even way cooler 'n Chuck Norris, and that's cool baby.

Let's review for our younger readers, some of Mr. Heston's escapades (with pictures!):

As a young man, Charlton Heson was quite the looker; and this photo is from WAY before he had to start wearing toupees.

Charlton Heson made an entire sea part to save a whole race of people, the Jews, from being annihilated by the evil Egyptians. (While I still have trouble making a straight part in my hair every morning.)

Charlton Heston spoke to God face to face.

Then, after Charlton Heston and God whittled the commandments down to a mere ten, he had to open up a can of you-know-what on the sinners who started worshiping a golden calf in his absense.

Charlton Heston single-handedly destroyed the Roman Empire when he won the first ever drag race for pink slips and won. Of course, this was 2000 years before cars were invented, but he had THE baddest chopped chariot in the whole Roman Empire. (Side note, he also proved the truism that white horses are faster than black ones.)

Charlton Heston also destroyed the world's belief in evolution by outsmarting an entire race of apes. His greatest quote regarding all of this was when he growled, "Take your hands off me, you damned dirty ape!" This saying still has great power against any snotty apes 'til this day, and can cause heart attacks in them when repeated. Especially sensitive are apes that look strangely like Roddy McDowell.

Charlton Heston single-handedly saved the entire population of California during and after a horrific Earthquake in the 1970s. He regretted this action until the day he died.

Charlton Heston also, with the help of the National Rifle Association, fought valiantly against the forces of communism, liberalism, the ACLU, and various other evil-doers in trying to take away our Second Amendment to the US Constitution gun rights which promised that "...the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed,"
Apparently the forces of communism, liberalism, the ACLU, and various other evil-doers are dumb as rocks and wilfully try to ignore the simple statement "...the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed," and are consequently infringing all over the place, the rights of law abiding Americans to own guns.

So, now that Charlton Heston has died, this is the ACLU's best and final chance to take the gun out of Mr. Heston's cold, dead fingers.

But I doubt the pansies and wimps at the ACLU could find the strength to even take a gun from a dead man as great as Charlton Heston.

Sorry to see you go, Charlton. We'll miss you and your stalwart belief in America as it was meant to be.

3 comments:

Marianne said...

R.I.P. Mr. Heston

Norma said...

He also picketed a movie theater because it was segregated, and it was also showing his movie.

A great actor. Thanks for the memories.

Qtpies7 said...

We need a new gun rights activist, huh? Maybe Clint would step up to the plate, he is almost as cool.