Wednesday, April 30, 2008

An Interview With Me!

Blog Times: "So, John, what's been going on? You haven't posted much lately."

Me: "Well, not much going on, and I can't tell interesting stories if nothing interesting is going on."

Blog Times: "You're telling me there's not even ONE interesting thing going on in your life? I find that difficult to believe." (interviewer looks at me skeptically)

Me: "You are trying to tell me you think that a person can't possibly be as boring as I am?"

Blog Times: "Well, I wouldn't have put it so bluntly, but yes."

Me: "Ha, ha. I come from a family that LIKES being in a rut. At least nothing bad is happening if you're travelling along in the same old ruts. I must have heard Sainted Mother say that a million times while I was growing up."

Blog Times: "Do you believe that yourself, that it's ok to live life in a rut?"

Me: "Not necessarily, but sometimes in life when things aren't going great, but they aren't really going bad either, my definition of being in a rut, it can be a good thing."

Blog Times: "You're going to have to explain that to me a little more."

Me: "Say you have some bad things going on in your life, for example heavy financial pressures and chronic back pain, but you still have to work every day to bring in that pay check. You take the medicines the doctor gives you for the chronic pain, and while that lowers the pain level somewhat and you're grateful for that, the price for lower pain is that you need more sleep and the pain that you're left with causes you to take longer to do everything. Everything as in it takes you longer to shower and get ready for work. It takes you longer to gather up your stuff and get to and get situated for the day at work. Things of that nature. All the lost time costs you in the ability to go out to eat or see a movie with your wife and so forth, at least during the week, see what I mean?

Blog Times: (Nods head)

Me: "Then at home in the evening, eating supper and spending a little time doing something that I would like to do more of like practice my guitar or work on my new FPGA (robotics brains type thingy) electronics card, and all of a sudden it's time for me to get ready for bed. Remember, I need more sleep now."

Blog Times: "So the net result is eat, sleep, work, with a dash of fun things thrown in, resulting in a pretty boring life."

Me: "Just a dash of fun, yes. I'm living proof that all work and no play makes John a dull blogger."

Blog Times: "I'm beginning to see what you are up against. Have you no more funny stories from your childhood or anything like that that you could write up an put on your blog?"

Me: "I guess that I could have a brainstorming session to try to do just that, I'm a big fan of and believer in brainstorming by the way, but the math just doesn't add up for me on that right now."

Blog Times: "I'm sorry John, you just completely lost me. What do you mean by 'the math just doesn't add up for me on that right now' exactly?"

Me: "Sorry, sometimes I say things that are three steps ahead like that. For me, it's like this, in math form, Oxycontin + chronic pain = blog apathy. And to explain that, I just mean that I'm doing my best to deal with 24 hour pain, by the way I never set an alarm clock any more, my back pain wakes me up every day whether it's a week day or weekend, and the medicine that gives me a bit of relief and the sleep I need right now to function, all pretty much robs me of even the desire to blog. I occasionally have a great blog idea but simply don't care enough any more to write the idea down. Then when I do feel like writing, the idea is gone, or I simply am faced with trying to dredge up something from my boring life and make it interesting enough to blog about."

Blog Times: (Gently snoring)

Me: "Hey!"

Blog Times: (Startled awake, smooths the hair on his oversprayed helmet head.) "Hump-hmm! My hair!"

Me: "No problem. See, if I can bore you to sleep when we are face to face in an interview, how boring do you think if would be to try to explain all of this on a blog where I would want victims readers to read through it all?"

Blog Times: "But I've NEVER done that before. EVER! I'm so sorry."

Me: "Just glad that I could be such an integral part of such a big moment in your life. It's my pleasure."

Blog Times: "We're about out of time. Is there anything else you would like to say."

Me: "I haven't even had the desire to get out and roam around with my camera and take my usual assortmen of rocks, trees, and ocean pictures the past few weeks. And I LOVE doing that. But just don't care enough right now to get out there and do it. I'm going to have to change the name of my photography blog from 'John's Daily Digital Images' to something like 'A Picture Now and Then'."

Blog Times: "That's sad and funny, I hope you get a burst of energy and inspiration soon." (looking at watch. Rolex Submariner)

Me: "Yeah, me too." (making ultra-sharp creases with my thumbnail in a post-it note to pick my teeth with)

Blog Times: "I thought for sure something would come to mind while we talked, but I guess not. Thank you for your time"

Me: "You're welcome. (light bult appears above my massive cranium) Hey! Big Sis just bought a BRAND NEW car, does that count as interesting?"

Blog Times: (looking interested) "What kind of car?"

Me: (with lots of enthusiasm) "A Kia."

Blog Times: "Nope. Not even close to interesting, though I'm sure it IS interesting to her. Does she have a blog? (looks pathetically hopeful)

Me: "Nope. She doesn't blog. She just talks about Keith Urban all the time."

Blog Times: (gets that look on his face like he's glad he didn't step in that pile of stuff) "Never mind. Gotta go."

Me: "Who is next on your agenda? A blogger with a huge following, like a political blog or something?" (while interviewer stands and opens door)

Blog Times: "No such luck. Someone with a blog titled "The Cutest Mommy Blog EVAR! Adventures In Breastfeeding" (interviewer winces like you do when you bite the inside of your mouth really hard)

Me: (interviewee winces like you do when you bite the inside of your mouth really hard) "Yeah. Good luck with that one."

Then I wave as he drives off in his Lexus.

I immediately go to my computer to write out the fact that I was interviewed. It might stink as interviews go, but it was exciting while it lasted.

(Dangit! I forgot to ask him the web address of the mommy blog.)


terri said...

I made it all the way through. Proof that it was not boring. AND it even earned you a spammer comment. Yes. I'm a sucker. I clicked the link to to see who the cute mommy blogger was, but she was just spam.

Olga said...

ahhhh,come on, you can't be that dull. I come and read you, don't I? And I'm not related or being paid or nuthin!

Babystepper said...

Just type in breastfeeding and organic and I'm sure you'll come up with something similar.

Love your post, and I feel your apathy.

Hammer said...

Eww mommy blogs I'd rather bite off a coldsore inside my mouth and gargle with rubbing alcohol ;)

funny interview :)

photowannabe said...

Too, too witty..not dull and boring.
Sure hope you get your battery charged soon and feel better. I can't even begin to imagine how that pain effects your life.

Big Doofus said...

That guy came out to the house to interview me. He came while I was still in the shower. By the time I finally got out and came down for the interview he had left--and he took our dining room table.

JAM said...

BDoof, that's what you get when you have nice stuff instead of rickety, hand-me-down stuff. Folks might want it enough to steal it.

Norma said...

I started to nod off about half way through, but truly this is a clever piece. I'm a member of the dull people's club myself.

The Rock Chick said...

Ok, nobody dull and bring could write a post like this! LOL I loved it!

I hear you with the chronic pain leading to blog apathy. When my TMJ acts up, it's really hard to think about getting through day to day activtities, much less being creative and amusing.

Hope you're doing better!