Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Lindsay Lohan Gets All, Like, Political, You Know?


I know that like me, all y'all have been waiting with baited breath on what Hollywood's deep thinkers think of Republican Vice Presidential Candidate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

We've already heard from Matt Damon, and boy did he lower the boom on Mrs. Palin. I'm sure she's quaking in her Gore-Tex ™ boots after Matt revealed just how much he disliked her. I mean, seriously, he played a mathematical genius in a movie, right? So the actor's opinion must be much more rationally thought out than say, a Louisiana public school product like myself.

I even heard that Margaret Cho said something bad about Governor Palin, but I didn't bother to find out what it was, because, Margaret Cho is pretty much the least funny commedian I've ever tried to listen to. But since she's a "Hollywood Liberal" I guess her sheer famousness must make her opinion much more truthful than all you red-necks and bigots in flyover country, right?

But now, the brainiac herself, Lindsay Lohan (that's pronounced LOW-en, NOT LOW-HAN, you idiots!) has weighed in. And boy, was it worth the wait.

Now this bad actress and even worse singer has furiously rubbed both of her brain cells together, and the slowly gathering heat therefrom produced these timeless pearls of wisdom:

"I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin." (OOO, this is gonna be deep!)

"I couldn't be more supportive of a woman in office, but let's face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female." (She's winding up, folks, watch out!)

"I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the 'lipstick on a pig' comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe BARACK OBAMA is the best choice for president." (See that? She says she's worried that the "lipstick on a pig" comments will overshadow the fact that she believes Barack Obama is the best choice for president, among other things.)

"I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor, which is probably all she is qualified to be."

"Is it a sin to be gay?"

"Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?"

"Is our country so divided that the Republicans' best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?"

I told y'all it was going to be deep.

She's not only a deep thinker, but now that she's a newly minted lesbian, she learned a new word: homophobe.

All that, from the girl voted most likely to have slept with every male in California, and who now, in an amazing display of effortless switch-hitting, has started in on bedding the women of California (starting with a Canadian, 'cause they're, like, exotic and all).

Man, Sarah Palin must really be hurtin'. Matt Damon, Margaret Cho, and think-tank giant Lindsay Lohan (Remember, that's pronounced LOW-en, NOT LOW-HAN) have all vented their massive intellects through their idiotic mouths, and the consensus is this, Obama good, Palin bad.

Lindsay Lohan has single handedly justified the creation of MySpace.

Now I'm going to have to sit down an rethink this whole election thing.

Lindsay is such a good MySpace writer that she needs to quit trying to act and sing and become a jer jurr jrr , newspaper reporter.

3 comments:

Hammer said...

I know lindsay didn't write that herself...her..ahem...roommate must have logged in and opined for her.

Norma said...

I love these brainy Hollywood types who read lines for a living.

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